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The Story of My Stellar Career 73

By Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux, Executive Vice President, HR

– Mais oui!

I will walk you through my stellar career, pointing out what made me into an HR business partner and thought leader.

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Hopefully those reading this post will emulate me. Emulate, by the way, is a word I remember from high school.

However I would like first to say a few words about my family. My parents are the late Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom and his wife, Constance Ramsbottom, who teaches ballet to this very day. My dad, Pierre Elliot, was born in St Boniface, a French town in Central Canada. I was brought up in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, which is in Canada as well. Growing up in such a rustic, rural environment, I gained a sense of practicality. Practicality is the essence of good HR.

I have two brothers, Frank and Earnest, who work for Blackberry, in Waterloo Ontario. They have been fired and rehired 34 times each. This should have increased my social awareness, but may not have done so. I have a complex relationship with both of my brothers, to be frank, or earnest.

My sister, Claire Ramsbottom de la Montagne, is the black sheep of the family. I am the bright bulb, as it were. Claire has had 4 nose jobs and 3 husbands.

gloriaDad spoke to me in French until my brothers were born, although my mother cannot understand a word of French. Dad used to call me “mon choux”, which is a term of endearment. Speaking French is a great asset to an HR manager, since many Americans believe that I am not only bright, but also exotic.

A word about my name is in place. I have never been married but I do have a hyphenated name. HR managers often need to have global outlook, and engage in dialogue with people whose English ain’t so good. Thus, I adopted the name Ramsbottom-Lemieux to give me an aura of being global. I love the word global, but I love sustainable even more. By the way, Lemieux means the best, in French.

In High School, my average grade was G, which stands for good. One of my teachers used to tell me I was “good for nothing”, but that was our French teacher, Mr. Diefenbaker, who thought I was too smart for my own good.

After high school, I was sent to Montreal, to study at I was studying in Secretaries Academy in Montreal. My leadership started to bloom and at the time, I was co-Chairwoman of “Liberté pour les femmes saoudiennes” (Freedom for Saudi Women). I had an acquaintance who coaxed me to take this role. However, this article is made up of big data, not mindless gossip. Let it be said that the leadership role I assumed at the Secretary Academy has served me well my entire career. There is a persistent rumour that I tried to establish a student union, which is almost baseless.

At secretaries’ school, I honed my texting skills, which is a “sina qua non” for an HR manager. “Sine qua non” is not a French word. I can text 400 words minutes on 3 mobiles simultaneously, blindfolded. Since I have a shrill voice, I reply quite a bit on texting.

After secretary’s academy, I became a buyer. I drove 5 vendors into receivership. This firmness shaped by view of the HR role. Then I went to work in a call centre attendant and quickly rose to a shift leader, and from there to become the call centre manager. I just loved the people I worked with, except the clients.

After that, I become the senior secretary of a CEO. This role taught me about politics and how to get a seat at the table. My boss allowed me to sit in on all management meetings; not only did I write minutes of the management meetings, I also made comments which were highly valued. My comments were about people.

When I was a secretary, I am also became a certified coach, as well as a change manager and talent manager by taking courses on line.

Simultaneously, I bought a horse named Jean Marie and I opened a stable on the weekends. I gave horseback riding lessons and I made quite a pile of money. Business came easy to me; business should have been my middle name. But my parents never did give any of us middle names.

One of the clients at my ranch was a lady named Wifey; her husband Stan is my CEO. Wifey introduced me to Stan, and he hired me as his HR manager. From there, I progressed to Senior HR manager, and following that, I became executive vice president of HR.

I have a compact department consisting of a down-sizer named Miss Cynthia Axe, the daughter of Preacher Oliver Axe. Cynthia can, and has, fired 400 people in a week, a third of them by text! Cynthia’s formal name is Head of Early Bird Retirement. She is unpopular, but I am coaching her to build a better reputation.

I also manage a white heterosexual named Hugh White, who heads my Diversity Department. By the way I believe in almost all minority rights. And I also believe that North American based executives have the right to listen to proper accents on conference calls. This is why I promote the English language as the global language of our firm.

I do not hire OD vendors, trainers, coaches or other snake oil vendors. I commission webinars from a cost effective vendor in Turkmenistan who are learning English. Turkmenistan is not in Turkey. I have travelled all over the world, but I was declined a visa to Saudi Arabia, and I am not even Jewish.

I plan to stay in HR for many years, or unless something more lucrative comes my way. I love HR. I love people. I believe in people. I say “people are our greatest asset” 8 times a day. But there is no buzzword I love more than BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP. That word gives me multiple mental orgasms, in a non-sexual manner.

My vision of my company is that of a drama free environment; people should be nice to one another! Everyone should be engaged; there is no reason for this not to happen.

I have hopes for the future. I hope that Cynthia Axe will be more perky and popular. Hugh White needs to ensure his relevance because we all wonder if diversity really pays off, entre nous. That is a French term.

Now that I am a thought leader, I teach on line courses, developing the next generation of administrators and functional sycophants who serve the powers that be, whist driving change, in line with our core HR value of self-preservation.

Bottom line, I believe an HR manager needs to be a responsive texter, a phenomenal business partner and a good sensor, because censorship is so important management.

And thanks to Nicole, who is perhaps the most global lady I have never met.

Follow Allon Shevat’s  “Gloria” satiric blog on organizational nonsense  via Twitter @GRamsbottom

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World class OD consultant specializing in acute diversity, complex organizational change across georgraphical borders, transcending and adapting to a global environment and post modern organizations. Follow Allon's serious blog at http://www.blog.gr2010.com And, follow Allon's "Gloria" satiric blog on organizational nonsense at http://ramsbottom-lemieux.blogspot.co.il

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